How to get the most out of on-line therapy

Don't let the technology get in the way of a good therapeutic experience

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

You’ve opted for on-line therapy. Maybe it’s more convenient? Perhaps it feels safer? Either way, you want to get the most out of it. Most of us have got used to some form of on-line working since 2020 but is therapy any different to attending any other kind of meeting? Here’s how to get the most out of it:

1. Get the tech right

Online sessions can be conducted via computer, tablet or smart phone. Obviously, you need a stable internet connection to make this option work and this can be enhanced by closing other applications. Make sure your device is plugged in or at least fully charged.

Usually your therapist will use Zoom, Teams or Skype but sometimes they will use a less well-known platform like Whereby. Most of these platforms don’t require you to download the platform to make use of them. But, if you’re having regular appointments, downloading the platform can make logging in quicker and more efficient.

In many cases it won’t matter what kind of device you’re using. However, larger screens will mean you and your therapist can see more of each other which might allow you to feel more connected. Many therapists use non-verbal observations as much as dialogue to get to the root of the issue so you might get more out of your therapy if you’re working on a laptop or computer. This is particularly true if you’re working with a sensorimotor psychotherapist or other form of somatic therapist where there is a particular focus on the body. Try and position yourself directly in front of the screen with little of the screen being wasted on the empty wall above your head.

Another advantage to using a pc or laptop is that you won’t get disturbed by incoming calls.

Most platforms offer you the option to conceal your own image from yourself if you’re not comfortable seeing yourself on screen. If you’re not sure how to do this, your therapist will be happy to help you figure it out.

Using headphones can help eliminate background noise and offer better sound quality which can result in a better connection.

2. Background

Your therapist isn’t going to care about what’s in the background behind you. They’re not judging your living arrangements or whether you’re having to talk to them from your kitchen or bedroom. There’s no need to make use of a false background and these can be distracting when you move during a session as they tend to ripple when you move.

3. Privacy & Emotional Safety

You need privacy for therapy. You need somewhere that you can’t be overheard but also where you can’t be seen by anyone other than your therapist. Therapy can lead to emotionally painful subjects being discussed and if you’re worried about others seeing or hearing your vulnerability, you will find it hard to relax into the session and won’t get as much out of it as you could.

If you share your home with someone else, sessions will work best when you are in it on your own. Even if there’s no real risk of being overheard, anxiety about this can restrict where conversation might go. The person you live with maybe someone you would share most of your thoughts with, but even then, knowing they are in the house and can hear the conversation can affect how therapy goes for some people. If there are subjects you wouldn’t openly discuss with your housemate, try and schedule therapy for when you’re alone.

Having a non-verbal child present can also affect sessions. Parents naturally want to protect their children so tend to find they stay off subjects which are upsetting as they don’t want their little one to see them upset.

If you’re planning a session from work, do you have access to a room in which you know you won’t be overheard or interrupted and where other people can’t see you? If you’re sat in your car, you could be seen and overheard by passers-by. It’s unlikely that someone is going to stand next to your vehicle eavesdropping but subconsciously you will know you don’t have the same privacy and safety you’d have in a room on your own.

Photo by Rahul Chakraborty on Unsplash

4. Minimise interruptions

You want to be able to focus on the issue at hand and ensure the therapist is focused too. Put your phone on airplane mode, switch off notifications, put a sign on the door – anything that reduces the chance of someone trying to interrupt. It’s worth noting that a phone which is face down in silent mode on the table has been researched and found to affect the quality of conversations between two people.

Most therapists will want you to feel safe and comfortable during sessions so having a cup of tea to hand or your pet to stroke will be fine. There are some kinds of therapy where this may be seen as a distraction so you might want to check this with your therapist.

5. Take the conversation as seriously as you would a face to face meeting

We’ve all laughed at the scenes of people on video calls dressed in a shirt and tie with jogging bottoms on. But doing a zoom call in your bed is not the same as being online whilst sat on your bed. Therapy is an investment in yourself. And you deserve this. When you’re in bed, you’re not really giving yourself the message that you’re taking this commitment seriously. You deserve better.

This post is focused on helping you get as much out of therapy as you might get from a face to face session. A good therapist will also have thought of these issues and also be consistent with this advice. You should feel free to raise anything that causes you anxiety about your therapist’s on-line set up – can you hear background noise? Are you confident other people can’t hear? Are they ensuring there are no interruptions? You are paying for a service and should be confident that your privacy and time is respected. You need to feel as safe as possible for this kind of investment to work.